Doing my Time

I've stared at this blank canvas for a good amount of time and I have yet found the words to describe these emotional glass shields I have started putting up around me.

Life currently is a streamline blend of good and bad and chalk full of uncertainties and new discoveries of one self. Drinking soda whilst watching a friend attempt to light a cigarette at 3am in the morning by the beach, hanging out with strangers, not knowing my summer plans, shift of power within the work space, working my tail off...etc etc all make up for an very adventurous and not boring life.

I'm starting to realize that I have a wild side, a careless side, a side that doesn't give a fuck about consequences and is willing to do whatever I please. This self liberation is quite refreshing and surprisingly gives myself a whole new perspective of self confidence. So, yes, whilst life is crazy, I still like myself and what I am doing. If only I can find out about that darn conference soon, and whip out the motivation to study hard.

Adrenaline

I am currently pumped with adrenaline. Today will be a long day; starting with work, then class and then eventually an electric concert laced with booze and dizzying lights. I don't anticipate climbing into bed until midnight or well past midnight--sigh, on a Tuesday night nonetheless. As much as I would rather stay home in my comfy pj's and read, I possibly could not since my friend bought the ticket as my belated birthday gift.

Recently I have often wondered who I am becoming and how drastic my lifestyle has changed compared to my lifestyle pre-breakup. I'm more busy with work, I go out with friends and actually do more activities, I have people in my life that I know actually care about me and whom can tolerate my incessant complaints on various topics--verses before it was only 2 people, Sis and H.. I just realized I really look at the world now in terms as life by myself now, and life with H. before. Oh, how much better the view is now; then again, hindsight is always 20/20.

It is funny how once you think you are about to become invincible, life has a way of smacking you in the head and forcing you to reevaluate your views and things that you once thought was absolute. So though I'm glad that I am independent, and cherish every step, it doesn't make the bad things easier to bear. But I guess, like all things in life--all will pass, and somehow somewhere there will be a solution.

I'm rambling. Oh wellz.

Things I learned today

Things I learned today:

1) Never trust Brazilian guys; they are nice to look at, but not nice actually know and touch.

2) Dancing can really really make one's feet hurt (sans heels).

3) Egg drop soup at 12am in Hillcrest really makes a world's difference to a starving stomach.

4) Sometimes it only takes a little bit of courage and then one finds oneself a new friend.

5) Going out partying the night before Day lights savings is not such a great idea when one had to wake up early the next morning.

Mothers

Whilst talking to my mom tonight, she mentioned something that she HAD to show me because this picture she saw in a chain mail her friend sent her reminded her of me when I was younger.

Curious, I gave her my e-mail and waited for the e-mail to appear.

I was speechless when I opened it; all I could hear on the other end of the phone was my mother saying "Don't you think it looks EXACTLY like you? Doing exactly what you would do during meals???? huh??? huh???"

This was the picture:

I was almost indignant.....just almost...that's all I'm saying.

Valentines

PostSecret: A Valentine Video




I think Valentine's Day isn't the day to celebrate love; love should be celebrated every day. Instead, on Valentine's day, we should celebrate our ability to love and receive love.

I hope everyone had an awesome Valentine's day. I sure did.

The Next Best Thing....

other than talking to myself in the mirror is to probably post a blog post about conversations within my head. Puhahaha.

Anyways, and glimpse of my current thoughts and what have yous:

1) OH NOESSS!!! Work is starting to consume my social and personal time. I no talk to friends anymore, and conversations are largely (95%) confined to discussing certain protocols and mechanism behind pathways. Even in the evenings when I'm technically "online" to chit chat, I end up forgetting about conversations because I get sidetracked and start reading papers (I wasn't even this studious in school..dunno wtf is going on with me).... i.e. Sooooo sorry Pugster! I will call you sometime....I swear! Well....if you still want to hang out or have time I guess. Oh, and J, I will eventually go to your Japanese archery studio with you and drink tea.....I Promise.

2) Dance. Freaking DANCE gives me a sore back, sore arms, sore legs....sore everything--effing jumps and twists thingys. In some ways, I wish dance was a little bit like science and fencing--more anaylitical and limited to one side of the body only. This way, by just thinking, and relying on one side of the body one will do wonderfuly---WHY does it have to be feelings and both sides of the body? AHHHHH, damn body coordination.

3) Nobody should ever wield a weapon in anger. NEVER. Grr...I hate it when I hear sad stories.

4) The mom of the octupulets is a nut case (food stamps don't equal welfare???? WTF); she should be mentally evaluated, and the doctor who did the IVF should lose his license. Poor kids.

5) I want rainboots. This weather is making me regret my decision to be stingy...er I meant frugal. But I'm pretty sure, once I buy em, it'll stop raining for good. Oh the dilemma.

6) .....I need to dry my hair and go to bed.....

7) G'night!

8) Oh....and I saw a really CUTE fencer today with his gf ( I assumed). Dude....how come I never got to meet any when I fenced? He offered to give me a dollar for the parking permit in the parking lot. So nice.

9) Okay....really g'night now. Ja neh!

Social obligations

I have to preface this post, by stating that I love my friend--he is the kindest, and most gentle soul I have ever met and have the privilage to know since middle school. If this boy was ever in need of anything, I would do it in a heart beat. That said, there is one thing that would take tons and tons of convincing and bribing on his part for me to do again--eating dinner with his parents.

Last night I was at his place having him fix Hitomi for me, in which took hours...(omg, I will never want to reformat my laptop EVER again), and his parents INSISTED that I stay for dinner, being a good, polite girl that I am, I stayed even though my house is like 5 minutes away. Dinner, the food was lovely, until we got to the lets have awkward dinner conversations part. An excerpt:

Friend's Mom:
"So have any of your classmates gotten married yet?"

Friend and I:
"......." (look at each other)

Friend's Mom:
"Well?"

Me:
"I think so, I've heard about one or two, but I was never close to them"

Friend:
"Oh yea, X already has a kid now I think..."

Me:
"Yea, wow, that is crazy" (wanting to kick him under the table to change topic, but no luck since the dinner table was glass)

Friend's Mom:
"OMGoodness, you guys are so grown up now...." (looks at my friend and I with a VERY big smile)

Me:
(Forced, polite grin whilst dying inside)

And the rest of the dinner was pretty much variations on such conversations, which I think take on the hint not so subtly "are you guys together?"

I think I no longer feel guilty about having said friend spend 5 hours working Hitomi. If I ever do, I definitely need a reminder.

*GFriend, if you ever read this, I still love you! Just that your parents are a little intense....or a little bit too well intentioned...thats all!