Anticipation

The past couple of weeks have been not only a blur, but also a complete shut down of anything fun, social, and relaxing. Somehow amongst all the chaos, I manage to squeeze in a Vegas weekend and a night to do laundry. I have to say, looking back, I'm quite impressed with myself. The only small thing that would have made me more impressed would be if I had prepared all the food I needed for lunch and not had to buy lunch from the Cafeteria.

As I write this now, the fried rice for lunch this coming week is done, grapes are currently sitting in the sink waiting to be drained, and I am here, sitting on my couch waiting for the beets to cook. The pulsing of the dishwasher joined with the steady rhythm of beets boiling makes a soothing melody for an exhausted soul.

One thing that has been freaking me out as of late is the sudden explosion of friends getting engaged, married, or having babies. If I’m honest with myself, it feels as if they are passing swimmingly by in their life, making the milestones one right after each other whilst I stay stationary, hovering on my own road. Concurrently, I also envy and wish that there was that someone for me. Someone who accepts and loves me as who I am, who will tell me its okay to feel pain, but I will work through it because he knows I can; most of all, someone that just gets me. But my friends have that, and I don’t—that is the current hard fact and there is nothing I can do for myself at the moment but to accept it.

Two girls who I held dear to my heart, found their counterparts and then disappeared from my life. It was almost as if our friendship was only a temporary filler. I suppose, close friends are just not to be destined to be a constant in my life either. I will survive being alone, but it doesn't mean that I like to.

I don't know what is to come in the upcoming months and it scares me a little bit. As always, there is much to do, and little time. This whole working the whole year and no break is definitely taking its toll. All I can do is pray for the end, and hopefully there will be a little bit of sunshine during this week.

Summer Bells

For some odd reason, fb, the social network of mine has been exploding with announcements of former high school friends getting hitched.

Have they all been drinking from the same well of water?

Dude...this is like the year of marriage or something. Crazy.

Glitter in the Air

While doing the dishes today, I was seduced by Glitter in the air. It was not the first time I have encountered this song-the first time was during the Grammy performance-yet somehow this second go around was able to capture my attention and entrance.

Two years ago, I was frustrated. Frustrated at what to do with my life and frustrated with my relationship with my family. Two years later from then, I don't feel anymore different. It seems as times goes on, I become wiser (I'd like to think that), but the problems that come with the territories also evolve. Such is life I suppose. Funny thing is that whilst I feel frustrated with the majority of my life, I am also at the same time very content in all the changes I made so far. Make sense? Talk about a feeling of contradiction. One step at a time; one can only ask that in all fairness.

Today I finally finished unpacking. Everything is in its' new place and neatly stored away. There are no words to describe the amount of relief that floods me that I am finally have a place to call home--my own.

Also, this secret today made me smile. It is nice to know that someone else out there feels the same way I do.

Wrong baby Wrong

"Is it better than the one you tried at Pizza Port?" he asks.

Caught off guard, I sputtered in a whisper "No, but it is much creamier."

"What?" He leaned in closer

"No, but this one is much creamier." I replied in a louder voice.

My cheeks start to flare, but whether due to the stout that I ingested on an empty stomach a couple minutes before or from embarrassment of him asking me of a private moment of ours in front of his new date, I would never know.

Him bringing the girl to our social gathering nailed the final nail on the coffin of anything that would ever hint to happen. And surprisingly, it hurt a bit on my behalf.

Unbeknownst to me, myself and I, I fell a teeny tiny bit in love (or crush, however you want to see it as) in the past month but in the past week or so, every possibility of that that crush was ripped into shreds. Ah, when will I ever learn?

Not knowing him that well, I will just assume from now on, everything we have done together was simply friends meeting out for a quick meal and enjoying each others company and no more. I just hope I can hold these thoughts the next time he leans in and gets close.

Wrong baby wrong. In so many ways.

Excitement

I'm on a high. Currently residing in a new city for a couple days in the name of work and am absolutely loving it. Tomorrow will be my one day off of this 5 day 4 night long conference and I am absolutely ecstatic about being able to walk around in the city and do a bit of site seeing.

I've always wanted to visit D.C. ever since I wrote a 20 page long report about the Viet Vets back in middle school. I don't know why I felt so strongly about it back then but I do; it is almost like the memorial itself is begging me to go visit it every since then. Sure, I have forgotten about this longing that I had way back when, but when I was browsing the map and mapping out my route I saw it and I just HAD to work it in my tour.

So now I sleep and I will check out the city tomorrow on foot.

New Chapter

I am about to embark on a chapter in my life where the possibilities of networking and exploring different cities are becoming a reality. I'm completely terrified yet ecstatic at this prospect and what this new point of view of the world will bring me.

OMFG, I'm freaking out a bit.

Hopefully I'll make it through this ordeal alive.

Home

How can one not fall in love with this? I'm so happy I can call this city home.