Jet Lagged

So I’m currently in Taiwan, jet lagged and debating if I should venture out into the rain to purchase breakfast.

Coming back to the family home has become more and more of a culture shock as time goes by. I use to think that I’m a good traveller. You know, one who makes the best of everything, and language barriers are alright as long as you use English and make your attempt in gesturing. Here in Taiwan, I’m not so much a traveller; in their (relatives and people interacting with) eyes, I’m one of them and should act accordingly.

One thing that has always bothered me, even when I was growing up here, was the obsession that Asian people have regards to weight. If one isn’t stick thin, then they must be fat. So suffice to say, I was the obese chick that came back from the land of obese people.

Yesterday afternoon, when relatives congregated in the living room catching up and just talking about life in general. One of my aunts was telling me how I should start walking like she does, every day for 4km. That way, it will help me lose weight more and be healthier. I looked at her a little funny, and said “Sure, erm, when do you walk again? I’ll join you.”

That afternoon, once we hit the track, I just took off and didn’t look back until I caught up with her again when I started my second lap. We were done “excercising” within the half an hour, since the wind was getting too strong - if I let it, I’d probably be running backwards- and getting dark.

My aunt turns to me and says “Hey you are pretty fast! I’m amazed”

Score one for the plump chick.

Just she waits until I’m fully rested (I was running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep for the past 48 hours and caffeine thanks to jet lag).

P.S. Just to clarify, I don’t see my self as obese. A little plump? Have 30lbs to lose? Yes. But I’ve decided since I started running again in Nov 2011 that I will like my body and the slow weight loss process I am putting it through. I’m done disliking my own body, and I’m done with people telling me what and how I should think in regards to my own body. That is all. :)

Negative split

This was too cool to not show.

My first true negative split!!!!!!! Hopefully this is the first of many to come.

To Amanda, Thanks for your thoughts and prayers! I appreciate it. :)

Rest in peace Grandpa. I will be home to send you off soon.

I will try not to cry and make sure everyone is alright, especially grandma.

I miss you already and I hope you are in a better place now.

Till we meet again. xo.

Midnight Musings

It is half an hour past midnight and despite the fact I'm dead tired from work today, all I want to do is to keep myself up and hope that perhaps, I'll have an epiphany and the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head will disappear, if not lighten its' parasitic invasion on my soul.

Dramatic? Perhaps. I blame my zodiac sign. Anyways, carrying on.

A recent (quite big and probably not internet friendly) turn of events has gotten me thinking about leaving this world of science that I've lived and breathed in for the past 11 years behind. Burnt out? Quite so.

I thought that by working in a world that I very much love would propel me forwards towards my goal to become a doctor; a title which would some how give me a sense of accomplishment and justification of all the overtime spent in work, and be used to serve others and helping them get well and navigate this complicated medical system.

But sometimes, maybe things were just not meant to be. You know, like relationships. If one wants to get really technical, this is a relationship as well, a relationship with work. Deep down, you know this relationship isn't going in the direction you wanted to, it is definitely on its' last leg, however at the same time, you just don't quite know how to end it. Or I suppose the other option of whether you have that courage to end it. After all, if things are steady at glance, why rock the boat?

My wise wise mentor told me that if I realize a situation is making me act like not me, then it is not a situation for me to be in no matter how good it sounds. I am not me these days. I feel no pride in what I'm doing with my life. I'm easily annoyed and bristle at events that barely use to bother me. I no longer feel grounded and in touch with my self.

Yea. It is time for a change.

Deep Breath.

I can do this. I can find a new beginning if I want to.

Mind over matter right?

Radio Silence

It has been a while since I last posted. Suffice to say, I've missed writing and running. To me, these two activities always go hand in hand. If I've been running, more likely than not, I will be writing posts and documenting my thoughts. People have said that running is meditative, and to me, I have come to realize it rings true--it is a time where I have to myself and able to tune out frustrations from my environment and really listen to the needs of me.

So what broke my previous so called meditative streak? Just one word: Work. Averaging 60 hour work weeks (while only being paid for 40), having multiple responsibilities to juggle on hand while having to deal with all sorts of crazy people can definitely leave one exhausted and ready to crash every evening when one returns home. Not to mention combine with the dark nights, and cold temperatures (high forties late afternoons) are not exactly the best motivation and lead in for a mental peptalk to go out for a run.

The stress from work and lack of exercise lead to eating whatever was in viewing distance and not really thinking about whether consuming said food was a good idea or not. In result, I gained 5lbs. *sigh* And they wonder why the relationship between stress and weight gain is proportional; positive slope all the way baby.

Since Monday, I've decided to pack my own lunches and started eating more healthy snacks and meals. Today, I went out for a short mile run to see if I still gots the running chops that I earned over this past year--and discovered yea, a glimpse of it is still there. Hopefully I will be able to keep this well up into the new year, after all, I have a half marathon to conquer.

Here to hope that I can finish strong this year and start a new year with more confidence than the previous.

Hope everyone is doing well in the blogsphere!

SF Ending

After a rainy day in Napa yesterday, it was was all sunny rays and smiles this morning in the city. After waking up from delightful slumber, I decide to once again try to run at the Golden Gate park.

What I thought was going to be an okay run through the park turned out to be the most awesome possum run ever! I don't know what it was, be it the sun, the wind, the sheer joy of being somewhere that isn't home, being surrounded by trees, I couldn't help but hold a giant smile when I was running through the park. I felt so much joy while running through the park I wasn't sure how to describe it. Pure unadulterated joy bubbling up from the inside while I pound the asphalt trails. I decided to run up the trail that leads up to Strawberry hill and was greeted by the sight of the Golden Gate bridge and the city that surrounds it. One word. Breathtaking.

I never really quite understood the quote "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take your breath away." Since I never really had many 'take my breath away' moments, it was always a bit hard to relate to. However today, I think I finally get it.

A date with oneself

After quite the anticipation, I'm currently on my vacation, visiting a childhood friend in SF. Since friend K. had to work an evening shift today, I was free to roam around Golden Gate park and the streets surrounding it.

Cruising around the streets of SF with K. earlier in the morning

I first attempted a light jog through the park but was quickly stunned by the simple beauty of the park and then promptly distracted by all the squirrels that were scattered along all the trails and coming up to me every other minute, with hunger in their eyes, hoping that I would toss them something edible. Like the true athlete I am, I gave up my run and went for a walk instead. I figured if I went slow enough, I'd be able to enjoy the scenery around me and get to bask briefly in the warm Nor Cal sun.

Strolling through the park, listening to quacking/chirping of birds, watching the sparkles reflecting off the surface of the lake, and just being able to walk or sit there to my hearts content was definitely quite the treat. No rush, no time limit, no body to meet. Absolutely perfect.

I realized that travelling alone forces myself to listen to those thoughts inside my head. To listen inwards, to listen to my heart, my instincts, my likes and dislikes....basically just me, myself and I.

It is nice to just have a date with oneself in a while. Not only it can be quite refreshing, but it is surprisingly meditative. I wonder why I don't do this more often?

Since I last posted

Work still is and I think will be crappy for the soon and foreseeable future. I think it is time to rethink my priorities and options that are out there.

Though today was a sucky day with a weather that is quite suitable for moping. I'm gonna give a quick update of the cool stuff that has happened since I last posted.

I ran 5.2 Miles on a long run with a friend!!!! O to the M to the G!!! Longest run yet, and I feel already my legs and hip falling apart. Oh dear. How will I survive 13.1 miles? Eh. One step at a time....right? *nervous laugh*

Anyways, on Sunday, A and I managed to go see the awesomeness that is named Matt Nathanson!

*swoons*

Now if I can just rid myself of this annoyance at my boss and try to see more of the positive-ness in life. It would be just grand.

I also discovered a band that has been around for a while, but are amazing to listen to.

I think I might feel better already.

What doesn't kill you

No more apologies, no more meekness, no more anger.

Workload has been crappy as of late, and I've haven't been holding my own ground when boss woman keeps adding to my work load without thinking what she had previously given me before. Consequently results in my lack of sleep, no running, and a very stressed out me.

But today with 7.5 hours of sleep under my belt and a shit load of work ahead of me, I will be okay.

Good luck to everyone else!

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days where I wish I was here instead of trapped in a building staining cells and wishing my work load would lessen. And no..that person isn't me in the picture.

It is funny how when I'm tired and exhausted that the first couple thoughts that pop into my mind are as follows: when can I go running? will I ever meet a person that likes me and I like them? Will I ever be able to move on from my current position? What will I do with my life?

Questions that don't have immediate answers and usually are those things that I'm suppose to let simply unfold, but like picking at a scab, I just can't help it!

And when I read entries like this at One-twenty-five I just can't help but feel slightly envious and want to do what she is doing with her life. Perhaps if I make that leap into the unknown, I will find my way too. None of this without proper planning first though! Who was that wise person that once said one has to be lost first before they are found?

Perhaps, in this moment I just want to be just that, lost.

Onwards.

Possibility of first of many firsts

Due to my strained calf/muscle/tendon what have you, I thought maybe the shoes that I currently am running in might be the reason that exacerbates the tightness that is reserved especially for my lower left leg.

So, I decided to bite the metaphorical bullet and walk into my local running gear store and ask them to fit me for a pair of running shoes. However, after a quick assessment, and (slightly painful) manipulations on my calf, they sent me out the store with a reference for a masseuse and a cheery wave saying that I should come back after I see her.

Instead of purchasing a new pair of running shoes, I ended up meeting a masseuse and allowing myself to be touched by someone I've never meet before. I have to say, granted it felt weird initially, my masseuse was incredibly friendly and she herself was an accomplished swimmer and runner to boot! During the whole session, not only I got my muscles worked on, I also learned so much more about running races in general.

Now, my whole body just feels like it is on a fluffy cloud and I'm able to walk without feeling tension in my legs. AMAZING! I might just have to start a massage fund on the side so I'll be able to make this a monthly event.

Anyways, prior getting side tracked...what I really wanted to say, from the runner/workers at the local running store, to my masseuse....not only they were generous with their advice to a newbie like me they were all so nice!

Even though I didn't get a new pair of shoes (will get em soon though), I got something even better. AND, maybe the rumor tis true....runners are a bunch of nice people!

Learning

A couple things have been happening during the past couple of days. Somethings aren't mature enough to share, but the situation is looking pretty interesting.

In the midst of all these things happening around me, I remembered a poem that was in a book that a previous friend have gifted me with. I'd like to think, that since then, 3 and half years ago, I've learned and will continue to learn.

Learn with Every Goodbye

Unknown

After a while, you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child,

And learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

And after a while, you learn That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn

and learn...

With every goodbye, you learn.

Dumb dumb-ness

So, I pulled/strained a muscle on my lower calf (or ankle) after my long run yesterday.

Not before, not during, but AFTER. *TEARS* I'm only on week 2 training for my half and this genius thing happens when I was stretching after my run. I guess the upside of the coin is that most likely it is a muscle (not ligament) since I can still move my foot in all sorts of directions and there is no swelling...just can't really put too much weight on it for long. (Thanks co-workers for diagnosing me!) And the injury should be okay in about a week if I promise to not to make it do too much work. *crosses fingers* Wish me luck!

On a happier note... I ran four miles!!! I amaze myself in what my body is able to do. After the run, before I started stretching...I was like....did I just run 4 miles? Damn I'm good. And the rest......you guys already know from above.

Oh, also, Fall is here!!!! Hello pumpkin spice latte and hot cocoa!

The Amazing-ness of Ben Folds

Just discovered Ben Folds.

AMAZING!

That is all for now. :)

oh yea...and training officially starts today. Go! go! go!

Home after Travel

After spending 9 days travelling abroad, it is definitely nice to be back home and in familiar surroundings. Though I have to say, being back in the grind at work definitely was not fun. Got back at 8PM Thursday evening, and went to work 9AM the next day, and immediately discovered that there are experiments that need to be tend to and worked on. In short I didn't get to leave work until 6:30PM. Easy day back= FAIL. That and the zen that I rediscovered while on vacation is just slightly cracking....

Regardless of the stressful welcome back I got from work....looking back on these past couple of days, taking time from my hectic schedule was definitely worth it. The talk went alright, though the question answer part definitely had a lot for me to improve on. But as I discovered, earning an experience to talk in front of experts of the field and having them pay my stay at a five star hotel is an experience that will not come by easily again...so I might as well get as much as I can out of it.

A short picture recap:

Cascais, Portugal: Morning view from the balcony of my hotel room

Lisbon, Portugal: view of the city after a grueling climb

Pastel de Nata: YUM

Sintra, Portugal: Palace de Pena, House of Portuguese Royalty till the early 1900s

Madrid, Spain: Plaza Mayor for less than 20 hours

Of the two countries that I have visited, Portugal may have taken my breath away, but Madrid will forever keep a piece of soul. All I can really say is that....I will definitely go back.

And now back to work and continuing to figure life out.

Things to be Thankful For

Being over worked while being pressured by a workaholic boss is no easy feat. And the funny thing is it is really easy to let myself be caught up in the craziness and beat up myself over e-mails that are delayed, projects that are put on hold, and presentations that are well past their due date.

So tonight I am going to try something different and think about the things that make me happy and remind myself that maybe it isn't all that bad after all.

- Had fried mushrooms and shrimp tacos with siblings tonight

- Will be going out for tapas tomorrow night with siblings

- Am able to pack my luggage for my pending trip of 9 days all into my backpack. Package includes: sleep liner, 2 pairs of pants, 3 dress shirts, 2 t-shirts, 1 set of pj's, small wash towel, black wedges, and a 15 in macbook. With plenty of room to spare for 2 pairs of socks, underwear, and other random knick nacks. Yes if you can't tell, I'm proud. And it will be all carry on for me baby!

- Have the most awesome pillows...EVER!

- Allowed my self to buy cool random stuff from REI

- Ankle isn't bothering me that much, so maybe a run is in the near future.

- Weight has been relatively maintained +/-1lb after a week of inactivity and eating...(nom)

- I am most likely not dumb dumb when it comes to putting together my work in science talk, just simply inexperienced. And the only way to fix this is to trudge through this current experience.

- Tomorrow will come one day at a time, just breath and everything will be ok.

Hopefully everyone else in the blogsphere is doing well, and if not, it is okay, we will all be okay in the end.

And it begins...

I realized in the past two weeks that whenever I stop posting, it also seems like I stop running as well. Then like a positive feed back loop, the vicious cycle will continue until I decided that it is enough sluggishness for me and do something about it.

Labor day weekend activities that brought me out of my "funk" so to speak were the following: (not so) hot yoga, paddle boarding, hanging out with visiting high school friends, and most of all, running a mile (still sore from paddle boarding).

So tonight I sit here in front of the computer, pensive; despite knowing that this coming short week will be crazy, I somehow feel alright about it. Last minute change of travel plans, need to get started on presentation for Portugal, planning experiments, dinner parties for friends birthdays....etc...and the list goes on. So many things, so little time.

Like running, one step at a time and one breath at a time. No?

Let us hope that I will be less sore tomorrow and will actually be able to go out for a proper run. It is definitely over due.

Quick updates

Is it wrong that I thought Taylor Lautner is really good looking and that I would date some one like him?

And no, I have not read nor wish to want to read or watch Twilight anytime in the near future.

I have got to stop reading random entertainment news. Not boding well for the soul.

Oh and I found out yesterday that the talk I'll be giving in Portugal will be to an audience of merely 300-500 people. That is all.

Kill me now.

Call me crazy

After a day of mulling over the idea, I went ahead and did this:

Please call me crazy for signing up for a half that is 152 days away.

Then I saw this:
I will totally be okay right?


Right???



*silence*...


Training begins tomorrow........*tears*