Friday, August 29, 2008


I think I'm starting to have this unhealthy fascination and *coughobsessioncough* with cowboys.

*sighs dreamily* Just look at those chaps. *sighs* Now where would I ever be able to find a cowboy in a city filled with blonde surfers--and one who would be interested in an Asian girl nonetheless.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


So after a week long vacation in New England, I am back at home in the bubble. Recently I have come to the realization that home no longer feels like home anymore. Though generally I have quite a bit of patience, my patience towards the parental unit nagging have been slowly slowly wearing thin. Seriously, aside from the fact that I will never be good enough when compared to others and the fact that I will never be thin enough, be pretty enough is so fucking discouraging it is heart breaking. It just makes me want to run back to SD and hide in my apartment--because at least there...I would have my own space with out having my parents call me every two seconds to go down stairs to attempt to sync my OWN laptop to the printing net work. GAH! To what part of 'I don't need it NOW' do they not understand? But I digress.

The event that broke my patient filled camel's back originated from the idea of wanting to remodel my bedroom--or simply my bed frame. So I have this hideous queen size headboard that is way too big for my full size mattress and since I sleep by the window, the headboard does not lay flat against the wall. After 7 years of living in my room (technically 3 1/2...since I'm usually away at school) my dad decides that the fung-shui is 'no good' so to speak and INSISTED that I get a need bed frame/headboard for my bed. He then proceeds to tell my brother and I and we both get $500 dollars to remodel our respective bedrooms and we would be visiting Ikea sometime in the near future. At this point, my brother being the spoiled prince he is, begins diligently going on line and flipping through Ikea categlogues to get an idea what he wants (only the best and the most sophisticated looking shit for him...basically). On the other hand, I was still hesitant...I mean...what is the point of remodeling my room when I barely sleep in it? I come home once every 3 to 4 weeks, and my headboard never really bothered I didn't really feel like going through all that work so I told my dad that if the headboard bothers him so much, he can feel free to just take the headboard away and I will be fine sleeping in a bed that doesn't have a head board. Saves hims a couple hundred bucks and saves me alot of work. Good solution right? I wish. My dad in replies "OH, so is this how you view home now? It is just a hotel to you? You only come back to sleep and then leave. Great." and puts force this sad face on. Well he suceeded in guilt tripping me into agreeing with his plan and going with him, my mother and my brother to Ikea to buy a new bedframe. So after spending almost 2 hours looking at bedframes (that were to his fancy) we all settled on a nice blackbrown bed frame.

At this point, I was actually starting to look forward to sleeping in this new bed frame--it is antique-ish and looks pretty damn nice--and began to think that maybe all this work will be worth it in the end after all. But since we had 4 people in the car, we had to wait till later in the afternoon before we went back another trip so the bed frames would fit in the car. Fair enough. Fast forward to 45 minutes ago. My dad comes upstairs to my bedroom with a measuring tape and measures my headboard while I look at him in curiosity. He then proceeds to turn to me, smiling and the conversation ensues.

"oh, did you know that your brother's head board actually will fit flat with your bed? I think I'm going to just take your head board and switch it with your brother's and then we don't have to buy any bed frames at all!"


"You are okay with this right? Would you prefer me giving you cash instead then?"

"er...okay well I guess if you want to do that..." pictures of clothes shopping immediately comes to mind.

"Okay, I'll just give you $10 then."

"................." picture shatters

Dad goes down stairs to fetch my brother's headboard and comes back up to fit it to my bed

"So your brother insists on getting a bed frame because he does not want a head board with a scratch on it. I am going to go to Ikea later on in the evening with him."


Dad turns around and goes down stairs

Now, does anyone see wtf is wrong here? ANNOYED

Am I in the wrong to be annoyed here at the clear fucking sheer audacity of my brother to demand my parent to bid his tidings and my parent's lack of resistance and ability to say no to him? I am pretty sure that if I told my parents this, they would immediately tell me that I would be able to get the bed frame that we agreed upon earlier today...but I don't want to. Because 1) I have my own fucking pride. 2) Their actions are as is, and if they did not care enough to think it through the first time, then second time will just make me sound whiny like my brother. 3) I never wanted this in the first place. So all that is left is my hurt feelings and bitterness towards my brother in the ability to get whatever he wishes from my parents.

It is a wonder why I am not more fucked up in side my brain than I really am from all the nagging, demeaning comments, and the never good enough speeches.


This site's main theme more so stems from "Grace Kelly" by Mika. There is absolutely no association with Grace Kelly the actress. I only wish I could have 1/2 the grace she possesses on screen. *sighs*