Saturday, July 26, 2008

R.I.P. Randy Pausch

I was going to post about how much fun I had today and yesterday. But right before I posted I discovered the news of the death of Dr. Randy Pausch. This was the man whose lectures inspired me to look at life in a whole new light and encouraged me indirectly when I was feeling down.

Randy, though I never had the honor of meeting you in person in this life, maybe in the next. Thank you for the knowledge that you have imparted before you left. My prayers are with your surviving family, may you rest in peace.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Stagnant waters

I had a very mixed feeling weekend. I went home to try to get my wisdom teeth pulled, however was informed by the dentist that I have to go to an oral surgeon instead. Hung out with 2 sets of friends from high school with both sets being very insensitive, one set said "I think you are fat" (well not exactly in those words, but in very 'Asian I imply just meaning' words), and the other set saying that they doubt my dedication on the road of premed because I am moving my MCAT date to next January instead of cramming it and taking it as planned in September failing to try to understand why when I was explaining my reasons to them.

The only good news is the fact that my family is very supportive in my decision and just because of that made me feel that it is okay and that I will be able to make it through work, class, and my current life. As for the good thing that I mentioned a couple of posts before, now I'm not quite sure if it was a good thing or not. It was a job offer at a very nice lab composed of very nice people, however the situations that led to the job offer was so surreal and fast paced now looking back, I am not quite sure it even happened! I was suppose to page my future boss today, but never "paged" anyone before, I did not know what to do at all. I called the number she gave me, and was literally stuck at the part listening to the machine repeat "please enter your code". What code? Yea, I'm a genius--now it has evolved into e-mail tag game...ahhhhh it sucks!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and things about work are will work out. And I look forward to seeing Mama Mia in theater's this weekend <3

Currently Listening to:
"Mama Mia"

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

On Hold

Facebook is a catalyst for depression if one already has the slight tendency of being depressed and stressed. Going through facebook tonight I realized that my life is currently on hold in comparison to my friends from high school. My friends are moving on to graduate school, moving on to work, and some are already getting married and planning on starting a family.

Me, on the other hand am studying for the MCATs right now and along side of that taking a class. That gives me absolutely no amount of time to rest to have fun with friends nor working out to feel good about myself. And when I am stressed, I begin to have a lot of morbid thoughts. Such as how my ex is living his life and is so much happier without me (possibly getting into Med school and constantly hanging out with two girls....basically living it), and how my last date was such a miserable person and that how he would make cruel comments about me. I don't understand why I base my self value at the mercy of others--especially those who are not important in my life anymore. Maybe this self abusing tendency is one that tends to have when one is down. Maybe this is what I have to learn to deal with before I even start thinking about other relationships.

But before I do any of that...I have to finish rememorizing the 20 amino acids.

Monday, July 7, 2008

New Soul

This song truly depicts everything that I feel in my currently life right now. So much to worry about and so many things to remember. But all in all, I'm okay even though I am dead tired. Hopefully my schedule will get better and I will start remembering to do all the duties that are required of me.

I do have to say...all this making up for the past four years that I had wasted on H. surely suck balls. I rest in the feeling knowing that everything step, every achievement I make is solely and completely in my credit (and vice versa..but stay positive right?)

Something really nice happened to me today, but I won't reveal it just yet until I have it in paper documents and am officially part of it. :D I wish I could be more proud of myself if I wasn't so damn tired--and maybe celebrate a little.

Currently Listening to:
"New Soul"
-Yael Naim

Friday, July 4, 2008

Perfect Evening

At the risk of jinxing this perfect evening, I will announce to the world that I finally have a moment of rest and peace. Though my moving is not completely done, I am glad to say that I finished most of the move (with the assistance of the parental units) and now I am comfortably sitting at my NEW desk (former dinning table) in my NEW room contemplating how life is treating me recently.

For dinner, I had guava juice with 1 slice of CPK pizza with a bit of chicken and was able to sit down to watch TV--this my friends, was simply heaven. To be able to eat at a time that is regular, to not have to think on a schedule term and what other duties I have to do afterwards was awesome.

It is quite a weird feeling. I have been constantly stressed to the limit recently and yet at this moment of peace and relaxation, I can only feel how grateful I am to be here and be able to do the things I am doing. My battle uphill is far from fact it has only started. But for now, I will be grateful for this rest and make the best of it for soon I, like Sisyphus will have to face reality again and continue our job.

I guess faced with the daily stress that I have, it is really the simple pleasures that make my day.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Staying afloat

You know that feeling when one treads waters and you are just so tired that you want to stop but at the same time you know that if you stop you will start sinking. So for a split second, you paddle harder and take a bigger breath only to realize that you run out of energy and start to sink below.

This stressful feeling that I get from my work and current life (read: mcat prep) now is somehow slightly worse than finals, and somehow there is more at stake....funny enough.

Currently Listening to:
"If I Ever Leave this World Alive"
-Flagging Molly


This site's main theme more so stems from "Grace Kelly" by Mika. There is absolutely no association with Grace Kelly the actress. I only wish I could have 1/2 the grace she possesses on screen. *sighs*