Fatigue

The soreness from yesterday's yoga is definitely carrying through and every raising movement I have my arms do make me wince and hiss. I suppose this really means that I stretched my muscles good yesterday! Hopefully this elasticity will be ingrained in muscle memory and today's rest will only mean that I will be able to do more next time.

Due to fatigue, I forgo-ed today's run. >_< I will definitely get back on the treadmill tomorrow!!! My goal for this month will be running for a total of 30 miles. Assuming that I will keep the current pace up through Thanksgiving festivities I will definitely make it!

Go! Go! Go!

Recently at work, it has been an interesting ride; ex supervisor constantly dropping in left and right, co workers getting vacation whenever they wish for, and some co-workers slacking their ass off while getting praised and me on the other side working and just looking at them in bewilderment. Life can be a bit biased at times.

Hopefully the pendulum of fairness will swing my way soon. Sigh. Till then, Allie, just keep running, writing, reading and staying true to yourself!

Hollow.....thoughts

People say that time heals all wounds, and the pain that associates will gradually fade. It has been a couple months and the sadness and helplessness still vibrates through every fiber of my being. Strange isn't it? Or are we just saying a couple months just isn't enough for pain and the helplessness that one feels to fade?

What do I want? I think part of me is envious at my friends who have something that I don't have and know I definitely cannot force--a relationship. It also doesn't help that said friends feel like that once they have their new buddy (significant other) they are free to just disappear from my life.

Sigh, I'm being whiny as of late, but I suppose I have also earned my right to due to large work load. I want this to stop! Work Karma pulease!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life continues

Work has been a bit frustrating lately. A big change is coming and yet the simple experiments I need to do are met with annoying obstacles that force me to bend, crawl, and even beg for permission to even proceed. It is almost as if people are testing my limits and whether if I would be able to shoulder and handle the responsibilities given to me at the tender age of 23 going on 24. I have full confidence I am able to handle the obstacles that work is throwing at me, but at the constant rate of problems occurring, I'm not going to lie.... it is getting to me and wearing me down. Where is the effing support man? Oops, I forgot...there is none.

Constantly dealing with people who think they are above others and force others that are "below" them to jump through hoops and over fire just for their amusement or using them for their advantage is just a sadistic sentiment at best I believe.

I was looking back on my last post....and I think I'd have a higher chance of kissing TJ Thyne than I do kissing a boy before the new year. Haha. Delusions, natural by product of stress. WOOt.

SIGH. Hopefully the weekend comes soon and I can simply pass out and munch on cookies. Now don't ask me which one comes first or how I do it...that just requires too many brain cells to operate at the moment.

Current thoughts

The year of the ox is finally coming to an end, and soon the year of the tiger will descend. At the moment my mood is drastically whimsical. One moment I am hard core scientist working night and day, and the next I am dreaming about the possibilities of meeting the guy of my dreams, and then poof! I am diligent daughter catering to the demands of her parents.

Who am I? Where am I going? What am I doing? Do I have what it takes to compete with other people in what I want to do? How much do I want it? So far in my life, I realize most of my accomplishments came not because I actively seek them out, but they were rather situations in which I was forced to apply myself and there were not any opportunities for me to turn back.

I think I've been way too busy lately, so busy and tired to the point where the patient and cool collective exterior that I pride myself of having is starting to have cracks and the whiney and easily irritable me is attempting to seize every single moment of opportunity to come out. So many things to do, yet not enough time to do it. Some issues that are out of my reach and some issues that are just plain unattainable by me.

Suppose I just need time to myself in where I can just do the things that I want to do and not worry about the responsibilities. Sigh, sometimes in life, even these simple pleasures are hard to come by.

Pre Chinese New Year resolution - be more organized, kiss a guy, and jump into work 110%.

On Hold

Facebook is a catalyst for depression if one already has the slight tendency of being depressed and stressed. Going through facebook tonight I realized that my life is currently on hold in comparison to my friends from high school. My friends are moving on to graduate school, moving on to work, and some are already getting married and planning on starting a family.

Me, on the other hand am studying for the MCATs right now and along side of that taking a class. That gives me absolutely no amount of time to rest to have fun with friends nor working out to feel good about myself. And when I am stressed, I begin to have a lot of morbid thoughts. Such as how my ex is living his life and is so much happier without me (possibly getting into Med school and constantly hanging out with two girls....basically living it), and how my last date was such a miserable person and that how he would make cruel comments about me. I don't understand why I base my self value at the mercy of others--especially those who are not important in my life anymore. Maybe this self abusing tendency is one that tends to have when one is down. Maybe this is what I have to learn to deal with before I even start thinking about other relationships.

But before I do any of that...I have to finish rememorizing the 20 amino acids.