Sunday, October 31, 2010


People say that time heals all wounds, and the pain that associates will gradually fade. It has been a couple months and the sadness and helplessness still vibrates through every fiber of my being. Strange isn't it? Or are we just saying a couple months just isn't enough for pain and the helplessness that one feels to fade?

What do I want? I think part of me is envious at my friends who have something that I don't have and know I definitely cannot force--a relationship. It also doesn't help that said friends feel like that once they have their new buddy (significant other) they are free to just disappear from my life.

Sigh, I'm being whiny as of late, but I suppose I have also earned my right to due to large work load. I want this to stop! Work Karma pulease!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Such a Pretty Face

I just finished reading the book, Such a Pretty Face, by Cathy Lamb and all I want to do is cry. Cry for the fictional characters, cry for their lives, and cry tears of joy for the lives that they will hopefully lead.

I'm a sucker for happy endings. I'm a firm believer that good always, ALWAYS triumphs evil in the end, but sometimes the process of getting there kind of sucks. I can't but help but think about her struggles compared to mine. The one problem that stems from fluctuations of self confidence, self image, and I think most of all, self love.

It is amazing how we are all different, yet so similar when we are bound by the structure dictated by society.

Hopefully, one day, I too will have my happy ending.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


The past couple of weeks have been not only a blur, but also a complete shut down of anything fun, social, and relaxing. Somehow amongst all the chaos, I manage to squeeze in a Vegas weekend and a night to do laundry. I have to say, looking back, I'm quite impressed with myself. The only small thing that would have made me more impressed would be if I had prepared all the food I needed for lunch and not had to buy lunch from the Cafeteria.

As I write this now, the fried rice for lunch this coming week is done, grapes are currently sitting in the sink waiting to be drained, and I am here, sitting on my couch waiting for the beets to cook. The pulsing of the dishwasher joined with the steady rhythm of beets boiling makes a soothing melody for an exhausted soul.

One thing that has been freaking me out as of late is the sudden explosion of friends getting engaged, married, or having babies. If I’m honest with myself, it feels as if they are passing swimmingly by in their life, making the milestones one right after each other whilst I stay stationary, hovering on my own road. Concurrently, I also envy and wish that there was that someone for me. Someone who accepts and loves me as who I am, who will tell me its okay to feel pain, but I will work through it because he knows I can; most of all, someone that just gets me. But my friends have that, and I don’t—that is the current hard fact and there is nothing I can do for myself at the moment but to accept it.

Two girls who I held dear to my heart, found their counterparts and then disappeared from my life. It was almost as if our friendship was only a temporary filler. I suppose, close friends are just not to be destined to be a constant in my life either. I will survive being alone, but it doesn't mean that I like to.

I don't know what is to come in the upcoming months and it scares me a little bit. As always, there is much to do, and little time. This whole working the whole year and no break is definitely taking its toll. All I can do is pray for the end, and hopefully there will be a little bit of sunshine during this week.


This site's main theme more so stems from "Grace Kelly" by Mika. There is absolutely no association with Grace Kelly the actress. I only wish I could have 1/2 the grace she possesses on screen. *sighs*