happy~

Mood: at the moment feeling entirely blessed

Wooooohoooo!!!! Finals are finally done...Just one more paper to write and I'm gonna go out on a date tomorrow!!! Looking forward to it...and hopefully it'll turn out alright. :D

Prediction

These are some quotes that I quoted back in 2005:

"爱情的可爱与可恨就在这里：他的心态会改变。当他愈来愈喜爱她，
觉得跟她在一起比他预期的更美好舒服、再对不过，于是希望这种日子可以长久过下去
，就算心里还抗拒着天长地久，总也希望两人的生
活可以延续得更久一些，至少久到发现彼此有难以忍受的缺点，再也
无法一起生活下去为止。"

"如今又再见面，我们应该认命，我们不能再分手下去了，那只是折
磨。与其折磨彼此，还不如折磨爱情，把它磨得面目全非，然后才
能死心，真正结束。"

"我们这段感情势必要经营得比别人困难。我们没有办法长期相聚、
互相照顾，时间与空间都是耗磨掉这份感情的不利因素。但我们一
连分手了两次都没成功，只觉得一次比一次更遗憾，并没有感觉到
任何的解脱感，事情只住更坏的方向演变而去，而没有结束。那时
我便已在想，就算分隔两地，也不表示非分手不可，也许我们应
该试着再一同走下去，直到有人决定放弃，就此打住，那么我们之
间才会有真正结束的一天。"

"爱情，是一场耗磨的过程吧？相爱了之后，等的就是谁先不再爱
谁。虽然口口声声说着天长地久，但实情就是这样，就只是任等待
不爱了的那天到来而已。"

~我的藍 by 席娟

我希望我有一天也能有那種勇氣.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost 3 years later....the result of my relationship went towards letting go, instead of taking each other's hands and continue on going.

Looking back at the good or bad.... I gave it my all. It was in the end that he let go. And I just let him let go since I was so tired of fighting to stay. It is funny how during stressful times, these are the things that I start to think about.

Hopefully after the finals I will begin to think less morbid thoughts.

Good luck to those who are currently struggling to cram all that final material into their brains!

Song of the moment

<3

Day of Realization

Today is the day of realization that I am still loved.

I have never celebrated my birthday in such a fancy fashion ever before! Though there were no pictures to show how happy I was, but those memories are some that I will treasure forever.

I am thankful for the new friends and old who were there to wish me a good day, take me out to multiple lunches throughout the couple of days, write cards of affection, and buy/make cakes and cupcakes filling my fridge.

Somehow I thought that after my last relationship, no one would ever love me (well except my family), yet my friends were so awesome that I've been feeling that I have been way too lucky, and the warmness filling my heart and chest threatens to spill over by being simply too full.

Thank you everyone. Hopefully someday, I will be able to give you guys what you guys have been giving me.

On certain issues of life

On a Saturday, as part of a project to connect frontier research science with high school children, undergrads, like me would go out to high school's and attempt to show high school kids how much fun science has the potential to be by teaching them how to do transformation with florescent genes from jelly fish.

Anyways, before we left, we were warned the whole shebang about how these high school children are all from a lower income district and who firmly believe that college education is an ivory tower in which they can only gaze upon and never be able to enter. As college undergrads, we are suppose to be the myth breakers and show them college is doable, and figuratively speaking break down the ivory tower facade whilst teaching them transformation. Talk about multi-tasking.

I had a total of four kids in my group—two boys and two girls. The boys were two years younger than the girls, slightly apprehensive and had innocence marked on their faces. Though their conversations were laced with girls, friends doing drugs and sex, it seemed like they were testing the waters and the meaning of said words on the tip of their tongues. The girls on the other hand were slightly more jaded, faces freckled with acne scars, and hair vibrantly streaked with a variety of colors. They appeared rebellious and seemed like they definitely had a problem with authority.

During the process in which I was attempting to explain transformation, the girl with pink hair streaks holding a LB plate interrupted me and said “is this smell bad for a person who is pregnant? Like…will it harm a baby?”

I was totally caught off guard, but replied mystified nonetheless: “No, the stuff you are holding is basically meat broth-like cubes that are mixed in with seaweed, so it isn’t harmful in any way.”

“Oh, okay” she said.

My partner was more candid and tactless and instantly asked “Why? Why are you asking? Are YOU pregnant?”

To which the girl replied “No, Why? YOU have a problem?”

*tension forms*

“ANYWAYS, for transformation, I will need help in carrying out this experiment, anyone have any questions?” I said while grinning a little too broadly.

The rest of the protocol continued as if nothing happened. However it was until break time and we were sitting around the desks (away from the bacteria and post hand wash of course) eating blueberry muffins that the other girl who wasn't asking any questions held a blueberry from the muffin and asked me "Will eating blueberries harm a baby?".

"No" I said with as much as a smile I could muster and silently prayed that she wouldn't ask me anymore questions. Lucky for me, she didn't and quietly finished her blueberry along with the rest of her muffin.

Now I had two theories 1) the girls were absolutely messing with my head and wanted to jerk me around or 2) One of those girls were really pregnant and was trying their best to subtly get information from me that they would have otherwise hard getting.

If it really was the first theory, then fine, they are teenagers, whatever. However if it is the second theory, then I am completely heartbroken. Why? Because I was not ready for them to ask me those questions and I had no experience in dealing with situations like this. In a sense I had failed them. Granted it was not exactly my responsibility, but somehow, just by me simply being present in those 2 hours of their life, I some how felt like I should of done something. What exactly? I don't know.

Life is completely filled with uncertainties and there is no one but ourselves to help ourselves out. I just hope I did learn something from this experience event though I don't know what, and that some where down the future, when I encounter another situation that is similar I will be able to use the tools I have acquired.

Happy Chinese New Years!

Happy Chinese New Years!

How I miss setting off firecrackers and fireworks during this time of the year. Hum...I think I just might wear some red tomorrow.

step by step

Two steps forward and one step back.

I hate how sometimes I still have times of weakness and it shows on my overall performance. gosh danggit. It feels as if I'm painfully and slowly making up my way on a huge ass sand hill, wounded at the same time.

Here is hoping that wounds will heal, and eventually stop bleeding, I will be cured soon, and I start to pick up all my slack.

Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim... oh how I hope so.