Midnight Musings

It is half an hour past midnight and despite the fact I'm dead tired from work today, all I want to do is to keep myself up and hope that perhaps, I'll have an epiphany and the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head will disappear, if not lighten its' parasitic invasion on my soul.

Dramatic? Perhaps. I blame my zodiac sign. Anyways, carrying on.

A recent (quite big and probably not internet friendly) turn of events has gotten me thinking about leaving this world of science that I've lived and breathed in for the past 11 years behind. Burnt out? Quite so.

I thought that by working in a world that I very much love would propel me forwards towards my goal to become a doctor; a title which would some how give me a sense of accomplishment and justification of all the overtime spent in work, and be used to serve others and helping them get well and navigate this complicated medical system.

But sometimes, maybe things were just not meant to be. You know, like relationships. If one wants to get really technical, this is a relationship as well, a relationship with work. Deep down, you know this relationship isn't going in the direction you wanted to, it is definitely on its' last leg, however at the same time, you just don't quite know how to end it. Or I suppose the other option of whether you have that courage to end it. After all, if things are steady at glance, why rock the boat?

My wise wise mentor told me that if I realize a situation is making me act like not me, then it is not a situation for me to be in no matter how good it sounds. I am not me these days. I feel no pride in what I'm doing with my life. I'm easily annoyed and bristle at events that barely use to bother me. I no longer feel grounded and in touch with my self.

Yea. It is time for a change.

Deep Breath.

I can do this. I can find a new beginning if I want to.

Mind over matter right?