Today is the day I finished my finals. However, somehow I don't feel the wave of relief that usually washes over me as I walk out of the classroom. Instead I feel as if it went by so fast that I haven't even caught a glimpse of anything and before it even got warm in my hands, it slipped through my fingers. Leaving me exclaiming "Wait a minute! Where did you go? Wait...what?"
Such is life. I guess. I can't start over, and I can't start fresh, but gawd dammit I will do it differently the next time I get a chance.
A conversation with H. today left me thinking a lot about our relationship and how it will eventually pan out--if it does. I have to say though it is reassuring that surprisingly we have the same feelings; it doesn't make it better nor easier to listen to those depressing thought voiced by the other person. The distance, the inability to do normal couple things, such as go out to grab coffee, be interested in the same things, have the same circle of friends....etc.
I can be preppy and happy and say that it will work out in the end and that we will be able to enjoy those things when we both reach our goals. But in reality, and honestly, I am as unsure as he is about the future. I need his comfort and him being able to be happy as much as he needs my comfort and me being happy. I wanted to reach out and hug him, and hug myself both at the same time whilst we talked.
Eh, it is getting late. I think I will pull an H. since there is no immediate answer nor solution to our problem best leave it and work with now.
Off to catch what is left of my beauty sleep.
1 comment:
you finished finals quite early. i finished on friday. argh....it's not over til i find out the grades....and i just found out one of them...and it isn't good. *sigh*
rawr...life.
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