Saturday, January 17, 2009

What does country music and adrenaline rushes have in common?

So since I can't yap my head off to anyone who is willing to listen due to my lack of voice (or deep baritone...which ever you think is more sexy), I think I will sort out my thoughts here. I have been playing Toby Keith's song "God Love Her" on endless repeat in the past 3 days for no other reason than the fact it got stuck in my head since it came on the radio way too many times. I guess in some ways this song was just simply able to resonate with the part of me that I wish I was. For most of my life, I have always been goodie two shoes, always nice to everyone and basically staying in the lines when I'm coloring. I've never been not happy, but at the same time, I have always wondered what would it be like to be mean to someone and not care about the consequences, or even stepping over the line a little.

Experience a little bit of adrenaline rush so to speak--I can sadly only remember two distinctive incidents in which I had a crazy rush. The first one was during a fencing competition, one of the qualifying matches after the first couple of rounds(?) if I remember correctly...I was on the strip, it was 3 to 10, all I could hear was the pounding of my heart, cheers from my teammates, and faint directions from my coach. I was insanely focused at the task at hand, but at the same time felt erethrally light...if that made any sense. I lost the match 4 to 15, but was damn proud that I got a couple hits in...lemme tell you..that was no beginner's match despite the fact that it was SUPPOSE to be. But DAMN if I didn't feel like I was walking on clouds for the rest of the day after that match....the adrenaline definitely kicked in and lasted for a while. The second one was when I went kayak surfing with a friend; though the adrenaline was environmentally induced, the high was pretty much the same. Now at times when I have a break from work and life, I find myself wondering and wishing for a couple more bouts of those adrenaline rushes.

I was talking to Pugster the other day and he mentioned that I should just not wait anymore and just go back to fencing. I guess this is another thing that I have to work through with myself. I wait too much for the decisions that involve a little bit of risk and play. I can't just say YES to something before plunging into the water without checking the water temperature and reviews first--my immediate and first response will always not. The only thing that he failed to remember was that fencing is muy muy expensivo at my current salary, I am not quite sure I will be able to afford to if I want to do the other things I would like to do in life. Hmmm maybe it is high time to find another side job to support this potential addiction.

But anyways, my point really is that I want to be both, I want to be nice and I want to be mean. I want to be impulsive but at the same time steady and reliable. I want to be calm, collected, and organized in my profession, but sarcastic, ditzy, and spontaneous for parts of my personal life. So easy to say, but slightly harder to be.

I guess I'm not making sense anymore... or if I ever did clarify the connection between Toby Keith and adrenaline rushes. Oh well, I've always been rubbish at writing essays. Anyways, g'night y'all.

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This site's main theme more so stems from "Grace Kelly" by Mika. There is absolutely no association with Grace Kelly the actress. I only wish I could have 1/2 the grace she possesses on screen. *sighs*