Pur-fect Sunday

Okay, so originally today H. was suppose to come down from Irvine and we get to spend the whole day together...blah blah blah...but like most of the times he said he was coming down, something came up with his family and prevented him from such. Surprisingly, I'm actually okay with him not coming down this Sunday. I'm catching up on laundry, making pudding, reading, and here typing up a new post. However, sadly to say, I don't know how I'm going to schedule my schedule when he decides to come down on Thursday; I guess he'll just have to be by himself on Friday afternoon in the library or something whilst I do work. Blah, oh well I'll just have to remember to tell him tonight.

I love this feeling where I am at ease, and no rushing to get work done, no rushing or frightened that I won't be able to meet a deadline. I feel my confidence coming back! and another YAY for Gabe, since he was kind enough to take my shift such so I didn't have to work today.

Regrouped...Sorta

So I didn't go to either of my morning classes, but I currently feel damn good for resting, making myself some pumpkin latte and a grilled cheese sandwich with some chips for lunch. Yea, I think I really needed the break. Grrr...If I only didn't burn the toast...the whole freaking apartment smells burnt now...not to mention my hair and clothes.

Now I'm contemplating whether I should go to my afternoon class at all, or simply give myself a break and not go to it until next Tuesday? Well it is music and I guess no one will really miss me. I think I shalln't miss it much either. I'm going to try going to the library tonight and see how much I'll be able to get done and get ahead of the class. Mostly Mol. Bio and structural biology that I need to read up on and catch up. However I do believe I didn't miss much from not going to class yesterday and today.

Another note in my life is that I am absolutely obsessed and hooked onto iTunes and the services that it provides. This is so freaking lovely, if I don't spend my money over there on Lush, I spend money on iTunes getting access to TV shows and music that are fantastically awesome. Well at least with music I'll be able to listen to over and over again. Until that fateful time that switch computers and such. Till then I guess.

Need to Regroup

I need to regroup. Need to get myself back together before Dylan and I begin to throw a fit. I was constantly trying to reach H. this morning, and when he picked up and told me he couldn't talk, I was near tears. Yea, I am totally stressed to the brink of a break down. I missed class today, and I am again constantly over sleeping. What is up with that? There has to be something wrong with me...either that or my alarm clock. GAH.

I feel fat, and not confident... where did my confidence go?

Ramblings

I don't know why I constantly feel so tired. I know I am definitely getting enough hours of sleep, so then I don't understand why my inner child is so tired and constantly feeling so drained. So far my days aren't too bad, classes are okay since I have been reviewing and previewing the lecture material. Hopefully my school work never gets to the point that it becomes boring.

Library walk is currently flooded with vendors, for as it is vendor's fair... however somehow this year it feels different. Different in the sense that though I want to buy something, I somehow feel ashamed to purchase anything. Kind of like the feel when one day I was realized I was too old to ride the merry-go-round and just wanted to get off as quickly as possible. I guess Dylan and I do have different and unique conversations when we are tired.

It is funny how people unconsciously gravitate towards names that have the hidden meanings that tell a lot about their character. For example, when I just looked up my name, it meant noble and kind. Though I don't proclaim to be either, many people have commented on how I have such qualities. And to think I named myself at the young age of 2! I must of had high hopes for myself at that time...and quite frankly...I'm thinking I'm at least living up to my name. At the same time, Dylan, my inner child...a name that I choose for her back when I was rediscovering the English language, means "child of the sea." Its amazing how I've always had an affinity towards the ocean, and in which, when I'm near or in the ocean that I feel peaceful and at ease. Interesting Indeed.

Confidence

I realized that with confidence, I do get a lot more attention and that I feel that life is easier in various ways. So confidence instilled and with the grace of a kitty kat... okay big kitty cat. I will rule and rock my world!

Work-a-holic-ness

I think I need more work to do; even though I have been working six days straight and have yet to have a day to myself. H. has once again reverted back to the bastard he plays so well. I wonder if he'll ever make the effort to at least make me happy and try to make me smile. It saddens me that he cares so less. Yea yea yea....I should leave him and such... I knew that once I let my heart go loose on him again.. trouble comes. I need to once again stop caring so much and once again dig deep down and find who I am again.

Confidence is the key to success, and I will try really hard to understand and play it out in my life. I NEED to become DIFFERENT and not REVERT back to the old ME. GRACE KELLY!!!! *chants over and over*

inspiration of the day

I wish at the end of my career and things that I will be doing in life I will be able to declare to those who helped me along "You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach my dreams...I will take you and the memory of you with me for the rest of my life"--Andre Agassi. I wonder how much sweat and hard work he has had to place in to be able to utter those words at the end of his tennis playing career.
Will I be able? I should; I have 30 good years ahead of me and I guess how I utilize them will be how my life will shape out before my eyes.