Survivor

"You may be ready to surrender if you are in a standoff in a personal relationship or with an authority figure, but backing down is not advisable now. While it's true that compromise works best, it could take a while for the energy to equalize. In the meantime, you might believe that you are getting the short end of the deal. Hang on; patience makes more sense than rash behavior."--Daily Horoscope

I almost cried myself blind when I read this, this morning. Since H. broke up with me on New Year's Eve, I've felt broken, betrayed, and hurt. I wanted to lash out at him, punch him, yell at him....do ANYTHING to let him feel how much hurt he has done to me by simply being so selfish. But at the same time I realized, he doesn't give a shit how I feel, or else he wouldn't have left me with so many lies, and so many broken promises and leave because he felt the need to be free. I honestly felt that, in that relationship, I gave 110% of myself, such so I can be someone who is always there for him. But in the end, I also realized that by giving him 110% of myself, not only I left none for me, but at the same time resulted in his disdain towards me--in other words, no repsect from him at all. To him, I merely became an outlet when he needed it, and a nuisance when I needed him.

It still hurts too look back at what we had, and what had eventually happened. I'm not saying that it doesn't come and go. It does, and it brings me down to my knees, especially when I feel that I never hide anything, and yet he is hiding everything from me. But I refuse to stay home and be a crybaby over someone who doesn't value me worth how much I am really worth. I just need to continue to be honest with myself, have patience, and perserverance. I know that I will eventually get over him and move on with my life--maybe eventually forgive him--but for now, I will simply distract myself with my family, my friends, and academics during the times when the thought of him isn't so strong.

>insert theme song "Survivor" by Destiny's Child<

Day 21 and surviving WOOT WOOT!